


For your eyes only

by Icanseeinthedark



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Asthmatic Harry, Car Accidents, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, F/M, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Hurt, Hurt Harry Styles, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, M/M, Relationship(s), True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 02:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18086018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icanseeinthedark/pseuds/Icanseeinthedark
Summary: A second...It was just a second...and we were getting under the wheels of a humongous trailer truck with the speed of miles per last second of our lives...





	1. The night Fire met gasoline

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys. 💜  
> It's story time! :) before we start I should warn you that this is a very emotional story and as much as I'd love you to read it I want you to be safe so if you're mentally unstable or if you think reading this will hurt you please don't read.  
> So... if everyone's cool shall we start? :)

A second...it was just a second and we were getting under the wheels of a humongous trailer truck with the speed of miles per last second of our lives...  
His screams were echoing somewhere in the back of my head, words choking under the pressure of consideration.  
Looking at the mirror I knew that the destructive tsunami in his eyes will end before it get a chance to be started.  
I tried so hard to erase the frightened look from his face.  
I tried to speak novels with my eyes because I knew words would be useless.  
I tried to burry the last I love you's deep down in his soul.  
It happened so fast but I felt each milli second and I cursed myself for relying on time.  
I let the hard metal bend on my chest, break my bones, leave me weak and defenseless.  
I tasted the metallic flavor of blood mixing with saliva in my mouth as my teeth teared my lips apart.  
I choked my screams in my head cause I didn't want them to be the last thing he had heard from me.  
And I let my heartbeat line go flat, matching with the endless horns of the truck in my ears. 

***  
Soft skin of his was the right spell to push me out of my darkness.  
My blurry eyes met his white pale lips trying to catch the words leaving his mouth just before they hide behind the buzzy sounds ringing in my ears.  
His cold fingers were sudden relief to my burning skin.  
"You're fine...stay with me baby...you are fine. I promise. Don't close your eyes. " he managed to let out between aggressive hiccups.  
A large shadow slowly covered his face and as soon as it succeeded to get his attention from me I felt nauseous.  
His voice with his thick American accent made me think of his probably large figure and his big chest. A big chest which may or may not carry a big heart. It was hard for me to concentrate and understand his words.  
"I know you're scared kid but you have to get out of the car so we can call and ask for help "  
"I can't leave him alone " his sweet low tenor voice cracked due to emotions.  
"We'll get back to him. You don't think straight right now so I need you to hear me out without arguement. Get out of the car and be fast so I can keep at least one of you...safe. "  
Safe was a polite word considering our situation but I appreciated that he didn't use the word "alive" . It was for louis' sake and I truly would appreciate anything to give the light of his eyes back to them. The shadow moved away from his face and I couldn't risk a blink. His fingers danced on my face once again and pulled some of the curls out of my face.  
"I'm coming back to you, okay? Harry. Do you hear me? Just a second and I'll be right by your side. Don't close those beautiful eyes...keep them open for me, yeah? I love you so much..."  
"C'mon kiddo the faster you are the sooner help will be here. "  
He left and I couldn't hear their small talk from distance anymore. I had nothing to do. Something in my mind was broken I couldn't think of much, I was just there pressed in between metals on the roof of my car waiting for pain to settle in my veins. But I felt nothing. Shouldn't I feel something? This feeling is making me want to throw up.  
I remembered those freezing days in England which me and gemma used to play with snow balls in our back yard.  
I remembered the weird numbness on my fingertips when I put them next to our old fireplace.  
I remembered the borderline between pain and numbness...I was right there. On the borderline.  
It's funny how everything changes when you're dying. All my life I was trying to stay away from pain. I'd always loved to accept the warm invitation of the darkness behind my eyes. But I guess I can forgive myself.  
Good nights have always been sweeter than goodbyes.  
Between broken glasses cold wind was spoiling me with gentle rubs. Helping me remember where my skin ends and to not go any further.  
I saw his small figure next to the big shadow's. He was holding his right arm with his left hand. He was hurt. I couldn't keep him safe. For once it's me who's breaking his promise.  
I couldn't help but laugh at my weird angle. I used to look at him from high now I can officially confirm that he looks beautiful from every possible and probably impossible angle. My gaze made him turn and stare back at me. He smiled but it wasn't one of those smiles he puts on which makes his eyes squeeze shut and narrow lines to appear near them.  
It was a forced smile and for me only.


	2. Can you hear me screaming?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my dudes. I'm awfully sorry for not posting constantly but when I write something I don't usually post it until I'm 100% sure that it's the best version of my story. Hope you understand.  
> Thank you for your love and support.  
> I'm sorry. Hope you enjoy.  
> _H

Chaos. Chaos is the first word that comes to my mind as I open my eyes.  
Blinking uncontrollably to clear my blurry vision. Fluorescent lamps are running away. They're trying so hard to take away the light and leave me dive into darkness.  
Claws of life are scratching the floor. I can't understand why I'm moving while I'm sticking to the bed I'm lying in.  
A blue helium balloon shows in my sight: "Happy Birthday! "  
I hear noises. Bells ring in my ears but it's like someone's constantly pushing my head into water and pulls me out seconds later.  
My breath hitches in my throat and my first instinct is to pull back. Like those dreams when you feel like you're falling from an edge and you wake yourself up by pulling back in your sleep.  
But the difference is that this time I neither moved a finger nor I woke up.  
I want to sit up and take a full breath but my paralyzed body refuses to pay attention to my brain's orders.  
It feels like someone has painted the walls of my lungs with coal and bitumen and all I know is that I can't fucking breathe. And it hurts.  
My mouth is full of something warm and sticky. I'm afraid if I try to talk I throw up all the words I've been keeping down for years, so I just let out a pleading moan but I can't tell if it was audible or not.  
I'm in here. I'm in here. I'm in here. I'm still here. My eyes roll back as I try to demand myself to count my blinks. I don't wanna go.  
One: blink. Two: blink. Three: blink. Four...  
One: tick. Two: tak. Three: tick...  
Our clock's hands are getting tired waiting for you.  
House smells like burnt chicken. I let it burn while I was waiting for you, tonight. Also, there's wax of candles all over our dining table. They shed a tear for every single scar you left behind. Me? No I stared blankly at the wall.  
My darkness is dancing with the candle lights on the wall. The darkness which is becoming larger than myself. The pain isn't suffocating anymore. I am getting used to it and it's just... sad.  
You came back though. In the middle of the night.  
Half drunk, half high. You slammed the door like it's sound can break the silence between us. Which it couldn't. Because silence is not about sounds. It's about a shoutfull deafness.  
Today was my twenty third birthday and you weren't home to cook your famous dish for me. Chicken stuffed with mozzarella cheese, wrapped in Parma ham with homemade mash potatoes. I smile as the sight of you proudly saying this over and over again in interviews flashes in my eyes. But because it became our tradition I tried to cook it. Because I thought though you can't hear me maybe you still care enough to read my lips. each night takes a piece of you from me and you're too far away to hold on to me. You don't smell like you did before. You don't Smell like you. You don't smell like mine. Your smell has faded away in cigarettes, alcohol and sex. And the most unbearable, you smell like spoiled sadness. I did everything to have you back but you're always hiding from me. Pushing me away when I want to hold you. You're hurting so bad that you're untouchable. Even for me. But I won't give up, darling . I will not lose you. I won't let this happen. Not until I'm alive...  
There's a white light. A very bright white light that's burning each cell in my eyes. I try to close my eyes but with toothpick effect someone keeps them open.  
"Sorry. But you gotta stay with me,okay? Can you hear me? "  
A lady voice. This is a lady voice.  
All of a sudden, the blood in my veins switches to pain. I hold my teeth tight as I try to avoid screaming. But this was not it. My body get covered in shivers and sweats and my chest jumps up and down. But like a fish out of water I'm drowning in a world that I'm not used to it. Then, I remember. The horns in my ears. The truck. Louis. Where's louis? What happened?Louis.  
"L...lou...huh...L...eh...huh...L..." I try to shout out. My eyes are rolling in their sockets. I don't know how to handle this. No. I can't. I can't. It's too much. It's too much. Please. I can't. Not without louis.... screams leave my mouth unconsciously. A brown eyed girl takes all of my vision.  
"Sh...sh...Hey! Hey! You're okay. You're okay. I'll give you morphine. Just calm down. Calm down ,okay? Just breathe. It's going to be fine..."  
The girl is shouting in my face. I can't hear and focus on much from my own screams.  
"I told you he can't bear the pain! You shouldn't have woke him up!" A man. Probably around his mid thirties.  
Something covers my face and I try to fight it.  
"It's just an oxygen mask! It will help you!" She says and she turns her head to someone else.  
"Get his friend! "  
"The hell you're doing Emma! You're torturing him! " is the last thing I hear before everything goes black.  
Strong hands are holding my shoulders getting me tattooed on the skin of the sheets. I turn my head to left and right in discomfort but something around my neck doesn't allow me to move.  
"Don't move! Don't move! You're gonna get your lungs punctured! "  
It's an old man this time. He is almost bald. He has a few hair strands around his head. He reminds me of Niall's grandpa. I'd normally make a joke about the geometry of his hairline. I'd say it in a sweet tone. of course, we don't want any hard feelings. But right now I can't even concentrate on his words let alone making a joke about his not-so-rare hair condition.  
A voice caught my attention. A British accent in the world of shouting American accents. A panicked one. A strained one. But also an inevitably familiar one. Liam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how was it? What do you think is happening?  
> Thanks for reading 💜

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think don't forget to leave kudos if you liked it and leave comments for me to know what to do to make it better. Love you all  
> _H


End file.
